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Operating Instructionz

Bratz Manual
I loathe Bratz dolls. Especially the Bratz Babyz, with their bikini-brief diapers, fetal hydrocephalic heads and 2-Much™ make-up. I was appalled that my daughter asked for them by name for Christmas. They were on every list she made and even whispered to Santa at the mall, so my wife bought 2 of them despite my protestations. Their only saving grace is that they have chunky baby legs and they come with the most amazing Operating Instructions I have ever seen:

* Pull on the ponytails to detach them.
* Snap them back on by putting the pegs in the holes.

Not too complicated when you think about it. Still, what made me laugh out loud was this notice:

Please keep this manual. It contains important information.

That was it. That was ALL the information. A diagram of a big head, 2 arrows, and 2 ponytails, accompanied by 2 obscenely obvious messages. Perhaps this is important to know if I have REAL babyz™ kicking around that might chew/suck/knaw on the ponytails and get them jammed into their tiny esophagi, but do I have to keep the manual? And calling it a manual is also pretty funny considering it’s half a sheet of paper at most.

My best guess is that this protects MGA Entertainment (the makers of Bratz™) from any lawsuits. Little Susie chokes to death on a Bratz Babyz ponytail, but on cross-examination it is discovered that the neglectful father threw the Operating Instructions, which contained important information, in the trash. He was told to keep it. He had been warned. A witness claimed he was snickering as he pitched it in the bin. It’s another win for the Bratz Lawyerz™.

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